Giving Yourself Approval to be Human While Suffering With Chronic Pain

Anyone reading the list of books on my Shelfari Book Shelf, at the bottom of my blog, is well aware that I have read a reasonable amount of self help books. I thought I had evolved into a non judgemental decent human being. So, why could I not have compassion for a recent acquaintance following their surgery?

It stayed in my head most of the day. What is wrong with you? Where is all that spiritual growth and evolution you have engrossed yourself in all these years?

You have been through what they are going through. You know how difficult the surgery is to recover from. You know the healing will take much longer than the six weeks that the surgeon allots for recovery. You know that the rehabilitation is painful and will take dedication and determination for them to obtain a full recovery. I felt terrible. Not for them. But, because I felt no compassion for them.

While talking to my sister, I casually mentioned the surgery. I then added, "and I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't feel any compassion for them". I thought my sister would be perplexed. But, she simply said, "I was just reading an article this morning about people with chronic illness not allowing themselves to be human". I also believe that when we ask for answers we receive them. So, I was not surprised that the answer was coming from the only person I had talked to all day!

Not allowing myself to be human. I had not heard those words pertaining to me before. She went on, "We have to be who we are at the moment and not beat ourselves over the head because we think we are not behaving in the proper way. Humm! Not behaving in the proper way.

That was me alright. I thought with all my reading, and courses, and education, I should feel something for them. And I did but, it was not nice. It was callous.

So, now you know how I felt, I thought, when you said, " Oh, It can't be that bad. You need to get out of that bed and get moving. That is the best thing for you. That bed just takes all your energy".

I don't remember much more of the phone conversation with my sister. I was stuck at "let yourself be human".

I thought of other instances when we don't let our self be human.

• When we do more than our bodies can tolerate. Eventually opening ourselves up to a physical and/or mental breakdown.




• When we multi task for no reason. Talking to your child, talking on the phone and looking at TV adds up to not doing any of them very well. If you are talking to your child, talk to your child. If your are talking on the phone, talk on the phone. If you are watching TV, watch TV. But be there, be attentive and be present with what ever you are doing.




• When we allow cyber space to overshadow our personal lives. Now I like blogging. However, if someone says do you want to go...and my pain is minimal, I am half way to the front door.




• When we neglect our families while they are with us to do meaningless task. Be there for them while they are there with you. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. And what if it never comes?

The words "Your greatest adversary is your greatest teacher" flowed in and through my mind. In allowing myself to be human, I accepted the fact that I was angry with them for not validating my pain. In doing so, I was honoring what I felt and was able to release the anger. I gave myself permission to forgive their hurtful but, I am sure, well meaning words. That gave me closure of the situation. I was then able to humanly pick up the phone and talk to them compassionately.

In her book "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" by Iyanla Vanzant, her formula for compassion is

Support + Comfort + Nourishment = COMPASSION.

I love the Charles Huttle's quote "You have no patient but yourself" It reminds me that there is way too much about me that is in need of repair to judge or criticize others. I repeat his quote to myself often.