Thursday, November 20, 2008

Forgive, Release And Validation Are Words That Can Change Your Relationship With The Chronically Ill





Fall colors stand out against the evening sky. On this autumn evening in October, I snapped a shot of a tree holding on to the last rays of the setting sun.

Holding on to painful memories and the belief that someone we love did something to us that was unfair, that suffering with a chronic illness is unfair or that your financial situation is unfair serves no useful purpose.

It is time to let go of those thoughts that stimulate negative feelings and decide to reach for the light that points toward positive direction. Before the sun sets today. Forgive someone. And, don't forget to forgive yourself.


Is it 'Nesse', the Loch Ness Monster? It certainly gives the illusion of Ole Nesse. But it is a tree stretching its imaginary neck into the evening sky.

As the sun sets for the evening, it shines on the fall leaves illuminating their colors in the trees.

The green leaves representing summer and the slight colorful ones representing summer's ability to release its ownership of the land and hand it over to autumn.

What do you need to release or let go of to feel peace within?




This picture of the sun rising is beautiful and yet, complex. While I marveled at the beauty of the morning sky, I knew that these blue, orange, golden yellow, wisp of white and black clouds meant a dramatic change in the weather was on its way.

It is a lot like a vast number of people suffering with a chronic illness. Looks are deceiving. The inside can be in constant pain and the mind in disarray, while looking good on the outside.This has to be the number one complaint of people who suffer with a chronic illness; "My family dismiss my claims of fatigue, pain and depression because they believe I look too good to be sick.".

You cannot fix their problems and they are aware of that. However, you hold the answer to the end of a lot of stress and depression. Validity. Validating that you know they may not feel well today, is a major key to easing a lot of tension in your relationship with the chronically ill. "Go ahead, make their day." A dramatic change could be on the way!

27 comments:

Leora said...

Beautiful blue skies. Courage to all those who suffer from chronic illness, and best wishes to all those who care for those who have relatives that are chronically ill.

How one acts on the outside and how one feels on the inside can often be two different things. Sometimes those with depression can learn to express their emotions differently and then be heard. Sometimes.

Connie said...

These sky pictures are beautiful.

Mckay K said...

Leora thanks for your encouraging comment. Sometimes is right. It almost takes being out of the depressed state to express yourself in a way that other are not antagonized by your words. Depression is a hard one.

Connie- Thank you.

Carrie Tucker said...

Since I have spent many years in pain, (almost pain free these days) I know about what that looks like. I can see it in the eyes. I think that is why I got so close with most of my patients. They would listen to me when they couldn't listen to their families saying the same things. Validation goes a long way to allowing healing as well. I used to always tell my favorite patients who didn't take care of themselves, "Death is a valid choice." I truly meant that, because I cared enough to let them choose for themselves. I was there whatever they decided.

In my personal relationships, forgiveness and release allowed me to validate myself, and leave that relationship quickly, more than once.

Thanks for such a thought provoking post.

Have yet to do my charming award post but I shall get it done soon. Tonight was theater night for my middle school daughter and I spent the afternoon and evening supervising 45 middle schoolers. Ain't life fun?

I remember being a teenager. My heart goes out to them. It's hard to find yourself at that age. However, if you don't give yourself a chance as a kid, you face emotional stress until you do take the time to sit with yourself, and get to know yourself. If you don't know how, find the kid in you, they'll show ya!

Mckay K said...

Hi Carrie I value your view so, it is so good to hear from you. It is important for patients to hear and have both sides of their treatment. It is always a choice and some don't realise that by their actions they are making a choice exp. not taking care of themselves.

Sometimes it just goes terrible wrong. We cannot kick ourselves around for the rest of our lives simply because life has changed. We have to change with it. Just as you did twice. You forgave released and moved on with your life.

Carrie there is no rush on the award. It is in your hands now. You can take as long as you wish. I wanted you to know YOU and YOUR BLOG are appreciated. You now know that.

I remember being a teenager too. I would not want to repeat that for any amount of money. The emotional stress was harder to deal with than the lessons being taught.

Carrie THANK YOU for being there for your fortunate daughter and 44 other deserving little individuals.

Enigma said...

All three of these images are wonderful. That first is such a stunning blue. The second...yes, I see the monster. And the third just has great contrasts between the blue and the variations in shades in the clouds. Thanks for sharing!

Sara G said...

Beautiful photo's!!
Thanks for commenting on my blog!
Take care and have a great weekend.

Lilli & Nevada said...

very nice photos, i love that first one with that touch of gold on the tree nice capture

Bradley Myers said...

Good fall sky watch photos, I love the blue in the sky.

indicaspecies said...

Lovely photos, I'm amazed at the first one.

Thank you for dropping by my blog, and leaving behind a nice comment. Take care.

- celine
http://indicainq8.wordpress.com

Dancin' Fool said...

Your photos are beautiful and I like what you see in them. You have a lovely blog and a lovely way with words and thought. Wishing you a wonderful weekend.

Stace said...

Those skies are beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. :-)

Guy D said...

Great shots, I especially love the last one.

Cheers!
Regina In Pictures

Carver said...

Beautiful sky shots and an excellent post. I hope you have a good weekend.

Dewdrop said...

Oh, how I love the way the tree is holding onto that last shot of sun... not a fan of shorter days...

Lovely, lovely captures.

soulbrush said...

amazing photos, and i agree with you, people often only see what they want to see. my heart and thoughts are with you.

The Arthur Clan said...

Your photos really turned out beautiful and the sunset one is spectacular. Wonderful job!

bookbabie said...

Lovely pics and wonderful post. I too am all for letting go. Breathe it in, learn from it, then breathe it out and move on.

VRH said...

Hi Mckay K,
Your pictures were really pretty and funny as well. I can't wait to see what you catch through your lens next.
Love,VRH

Shannon said...

Very pretty photos. Thank you for commenting on my blog. :)

D Herrod said...

Very nice. Have a great weekend.

Naturegirl said...

Wonderful images and prose! I don't think it was by chance that you arrived at my blog by means of SWF.
I too struggle with chronic pain and also the mental anguish of mothr with Dimmetia. I shall be back for another dose of your inspiring words.

Jeanne said...

Looking at your pictures and reading your words gives one a sense of peace and serenity. You have a gift conveying such feelings and you must bring such thoughts to those in pain from illness themselves or someone they love suffering. Thank you for sharing with us.

ChrissyM said...

Gorgeous blue skies. The sky is so blue. Gorgeous photos!

Rambling Woods said...

Beautiful series and yes, I always get the "you look so good"..People just don't understand and can't relate. But validation is very important..much more so that telling you how good you look...

New Rambling Woods Site

Gattina said...

These little golden clouds look wonderful !

Jeanne said...

Mckay k,

Those sky pictures are just beautiful!!!

And your words, well, they are always beautiful! :)

Jeanne